Healing Forward

I can’t believe it has been almost a month since I posted anything. Having this chest wound that needs to heal, really shows me just how powerless I am. I am doing everything I know, to get this wound to heal. I’m eating protein like crazy, I’m eating lots of pineapple, and taking extra vitamin C, both help promote wound healing. I’m hooked up to a wound vac which I have to wear 24/7. And yet, I can’t control how fast this thing is going to heal. It is going to take as long as it is going to take.

I’m feeling so incredibly tired all the time, fighting off nausea and dizziness every day. My nurse reminds me that my body is using a lot of my energy to heal this wound. It is also a daily reminder that I had cancer. I’m forced to look at the trauma my chest has suffered. Kinda puts a wrench in my denial, that I wasn’t really affected by cancer.

I find myself holding my breath every time I look at myself in a mirror. I see the scars where my breasts used to be, and I find it difficult to breathe. I’m feeling so much, yet I’m not always certain, what it is exactly,that I’m feeling.

The one thing I do know, is that I’m ready to put this episode of my life behind me,where there will be no reruns.